Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize