Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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