I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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