Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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