Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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