My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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