if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize