Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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