did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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