jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
