when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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