he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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