she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize