I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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