i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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