A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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