end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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