Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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