Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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