If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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