HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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