So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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