Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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