Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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