Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize