She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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