I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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