so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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