I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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