If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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