Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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