Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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