3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize