I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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