she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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