My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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