I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize