im holly from the hills drunk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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