There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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