I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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