so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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