Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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