Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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