Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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