Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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