I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize