No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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