why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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