bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize