i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im part way to drunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wear drunk well.
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