i may or may not be watching the land before time
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize